so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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