You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
