my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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