my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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