Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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