your thong is hanging out like whoa
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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