I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
