so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Damn victory sex feels great
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
