I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
