I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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