Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
