LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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