how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
