M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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