clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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