Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
