I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
A+ Viking dick
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
