you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
