how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
