I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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