Please, let me fuck your mom
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
