As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
