He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
