Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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