I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
