dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
