Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
