Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
