My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He has the fingertips of a God
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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