I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
