I skipped work to stalk him.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
