Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
