If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
