How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
