youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
