I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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