those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
