that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
