There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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