He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
