She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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