is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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