if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
