My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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