His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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