i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
