The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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