im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
