and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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