Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
