I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
