I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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