My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
