And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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