Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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