I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
