that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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