I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
