I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
