If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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