Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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