Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
