Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
