i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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