she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
there is glitter all over my balls
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
