Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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