Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
