I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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