I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize