i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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