There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
