My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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