hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
then he tried to convert me to islam
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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