I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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