So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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