Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
