you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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