I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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